


Community Clean and the Avian Flu

by theravenwrites



Category: Parks and Recreation
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-22
Updated: 2011-12-22
Packaged: 2017-10-27 20:46:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/299883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theravenwrites/pseuds/theravenwrites
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ben makes a decision. Set between Season Three and Season Four.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Community Clean and the Avian Flu

**Author's Note:**

  * For [nothinbuttherain (beyondtherubicon)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/beyondtherubicon/gifts).



Leslie and Ben approached City Hall at speed. It was a Saturday in mid Summer and the building looked deserted. A possible explanation for this could have been the police tape across the front entrance. Leslie knocked it out of her way so that she could unlock the doors.

"Uh, should you be doing that?" Ben asked.

"I can't believe I forgot my binder," Leslie said, ignoring him as she unlocked the front door of City Hall.

Standing behind her with his hands in his pockets, Ben frowned. "Is it more important than obeying the police?"

Leslie laughed, looking over her shoulder as she held the door open for Ben to step inside. "Oh Ben," she said, following him inside the darkened building. "That binder lists all the locations of Community Clean, who is banned from it, what can and cannot be used to clean and what constitutes trash. This binder has more power than the police and city council combined.”

"But didn't you say Pawnee does this every year?" Ben asked. "You could probably do without the binder. There could be something like a gas leak or—"

"Ben. How long have you been in Pawnee?"

"I don't know, about--"

"If I don't have this binder, every third person will be asking me to prove that their own personal weed killer is not acceptable and the first person will be complaining that someone is removing all the urtica dioica which should be protected because it's the national symbol of Scotland, which it isn't, and the second person will be asking why we can't clean the empty lot across from their house."

"What's urtica di..."

"Stinging nettles, Ben. Stinging nettles."

Leslie opened the door to her office and moved to sit behind her desk. Ben stood across from her, not sure whether he should even bother being dismayed by Pawnee residents and their insane support for imaginary causes anymore.

Running footsteps could be heard echoing in the hallway. Ben turned as an overweight man in a security uniform came into the Parks and Recreation department. The first thing Ben noticed was his medical face mask and his wide eyes.

"You shouldn't be in here," the man said, his voice muffled slightly.

"Sorry, we're leaving right now," Ben said. "We just stopped by to pick up something for the Community Clean."

"Hang on," Leslie said, momentarily a disembodied voice. "I can't find the binder. Sir, could you give us five more minutes?"

"You can't leave now," the guard said. "City Hall is under quarantine. Didn't you see the police tape?"

Leslie sat up, fast. "What?" she said. "But we have to go. Community Clean is about to start and if I'm not there with this binder everything will be bad. Very bad."

"I'm sorry, Miss Knopes, but this is an official quarantine."

"Why? What happened?" Ben asked.

"Avian flu.”

“Wait, really? Didn’t we have that scare last year?” Ben asked.

“A dead bird was found on the fourth floor and until the Health Department says it's not infected, we all have to stay here so we don't spread it."

Leslie's eyes narrowed. "The fourth floor. I should have known."

Ben sighed. "When will the Health Department know if there's Avian Flu?"

The guard shrugged. "They had to send it to Eagleton, 'cause we don't have the facilities here, so it could be anywhere from a couple hours or a day."

"A day?" Leslie repeated. Ben recognized the beginning of a freak out and moved to join her behind the desk, putting a hand on her shoulder.

"I'm sure it won't take that long," he said, trying to be comforting, but she glared at him.

"Eagleton won't do anything fast for Pawnee, Ben. We could be here for a week, Ben. Ben, this is terrible!"

"They wouldn't do that," Ben said, looking to the guard for support. "Not for a health issue."

"I don't know, man." The guard shrugged.

"Really? You're going to agree with her ridiculous vendetta against Eagleton?"

"It's not just me, Ben!" Leslie said. "Everyone in Pawnee knows the truth about Eagleton."

"Well, okay, but it's not like we can do anything about it. We're stuck here."

"Don't be so sure about that," Leslie said, and Ben knew the look in her eyes. She was already planning something.

"I'll go get you guys some masks," the guard said apologetically. "We have some coffee or tea in the office, if you want."

"Thanks," Ben said.

The second the guard was out the door, Leslie sprang into action. "Right. First things first. You call Eagleton's Health Department and ask them about the status of our bird. I need to call Ron and let him know we're out of commission. He'll have to run Community Clean on his own and he won't be happy about it."

Ben interrupted Leslie's tirade with a hand on her shoulder. He bent down next to her and looked her in the eye as he said, "It's going to be all right." He moved forward to kiss her, but she turned her head.

"Not in the office."

"There's like, no one here but that guard."

"We shouldn't be taking chances, regardless,” Leslie said, her neck turned at an extreme angle and staring over his shoulder.

Somewhat mystified, Ben sat at Tom's old desk and logged onto the computer to look up the phone number of Eagleton's Health Department. The chances of this accomplishing anything other than helping to keep Leslie calm were about nil, but keeping Leslie calm was important enough.

"Hi, yes, I'm trying to get some information about the dead bird sent in from Pawnee?"

"I don't have any record of such an event," a bored woman's voice told him.

"It just happened this morning, it may not be in your system yet."

A sigh. "Let me go check." Atrocious hold music, some sort of orchestral Nickel Back song. God, why?

Ben looked over at where Leslie was on the phone with Ron. She was drumming her fingers on her desk and giving instructions in a rapid-fire monotone that was more for her own reassurance rather than the expectation that Ron would actually retain it.

Ever since the week before Leslie had been acting a little strange and Ben was beginning to think this was something separate from her general quirkiness. First she encouraged office make-out sessions, then discouraged them, then encouraged them all the more. It seemed to have started after Lil' Sebastian's funeral service when those people had talked to her in her office. He wasn't so much paranoid that something was terribly wrong as more than a little bewildered.

The hold music cut out and the bored woman returned. "We received a dead pigeon half an hour ago from Pawnee. We should have the results by this evening. Have a good day." Click.

Ben blinked, shocked at her rudeness.

Leslie was still talking, sinking lower and lower in her seat with every fast-paced sentence. Ben fiddled with some of the knickknacks Tom had left on his desk and waited for her to wrap up her call. When she started advising Ron on the best way to tie trash bags, he realized this was not a conversation she was going to end willingly.

Ben stood and looked down at Leslie, who had almost disappeared under her desk. "Let Ron handle things. You've said yourself he's the person you trust most to get things done when you're not around."

"Third most. I trust myself first and second most," Leslie said automatically. "No offense, Ron."

"None taken," Ben could hear Ron say.

"Bye, Ron," Ben said loudly as Leslie allowed him to take the phone and replace it in the cradle, restraining herself to only one shouted instruction: "Don't let the people overpower you! Be strong!"

The phone gone, Leslie looked up at Ben with serious puppy dog eyes. Ben reached out to hold her hand. "This is my favorite Parks and Recreation event and I'm going to miss it."

"I thought the Harvest Festival was your favorite."

"Well, okay, but—“

"Or what about canvassing?"

"That's not a real—“

"Or your Master Plan for the budget—"

Leslie put a hand over Ben's mouth, but she was smiling. Success.

"All right, you got me. Every event is my favorite Parks and Recreation event, even the ones that aren't really events. But that doesn't mean this one needs me and less."

"Ron and the rest of the team will be fine. You've prepared them well."

Ben knew he'd managed to say the wrong thing when Leslie pushed herself up and lunged for her phone. Luckily, Ben was closer.

"No give me the phone this is important! Jerry is attending his other grandmother's funeral and Donna had to get her car's paint job redone and now that Tom is gone it's only Andy and April helping Ron! I have to call Ann and make her go to the Community Clean!"

"You told me yesterday Ann couldn't help because she was doing a double shift at the hospital. You can't ask her to go to the Community Clean on no sleep."

Ben managed to stop her from taking the phone from his grip but only because they were both distracted by a horrifying, blood-curdling scream, like something out of a particularly disgusting horror movie. They looked towards the source of the noise, the hallway, but were unable to see anything due to the several doors and walls between them. By unspoken agreement they let the phone be and made for the hall where the noise continued unabated.

"It sounds like a cow giving birth," whispered Leslie, pausing at the department door.

"How do you know?" Ben whispered back.

"I read James Herriot as a child."

"That doesn't even make sense."

The screaming had been joined by a rattling sound that was almost, but not quite, even louder. The sight that greeted them was so bizarre as to be almost unbelievable. Their friend the guard with the face mask was holding Chris Traeger clear off the ground in an attempt to stop him leaving the building. Chris had hold of the double doors and was using his considerable strength to anchor himself to them. He was also mauve in the face from yelling.

Leslie raced forward and began prying Chris's fingers from the handles. "Ben, the Avian flu! He’s having a panic attack!”

Chris paused his incessant screaming to peer up at Leslie with watery eyes. “Leslie… Knope…” he gasped before collapsing into another fit of hysterics.

“Oh god. Ben, get the paper bag from my lunch. Top drawer of my desk on the right.”

Ben turned on his heel and went back into the Parks and Recreation Department and to Leslie's office. He knew from personal experience that panic attacks were Not Fun. He poured the contents of Leslie's lunch out onto her desk and was about to go when something in the still open drawer caught his eye.

Although he knew Leslie was almost obsessive about putting all her paperwork in binders, there was a document sitting loose at the bottom of the drawer. It had the City Council letter head and was filled out in Leslie's handwriting. Ben paused and took a closer look.

It was a registration form for the next election.

Sudden further commotion jolted him back to earth. Chris was being brought into the office. Ben exhaled slowly and closed the drawer, taking the paper bag into the reception area. No longer screaming, but still making loud, distressed noises, and sounding more disturbingly bovine than ever, Chris hung with his arms around the shoulders of Leslie and the guard.

Not trusting himself to speak, Ben pulled April's chair out from behind her desk so they could drop Chris into it. He found he couldn't even look at Leslie. Instead he crouched at Chris's side and focused on getting him to breathe into the paper bag.

"Remember to breathe. In, out, in, out," Ben said in his best soothing voice.

Chris maintained eye contact with him the entire time and soon enough he was trying to speak between breaths. "My… body… is… a microchip…”

Ben patted Chris on the shoulder awkwardly. "I seriously doubt anyone's going to get bird flu,” he said. “They found one dead bird. This is just bureaucracy, and I say that as a bureaucrat. What are you even doing here?"

"Went... for a... run... realized I... left my... Garmin... watch... in my... office..."

"Of course you did," Ben said, mostly to himself. He noticed that Chris's color had not really improved, so he added, "You just keep breathing. Buddy. Don't try to talk."

Ben stood and looked around. At some point the guard had left while Leslie had taken advantage of his distraction to dig out her cell phone.

"Ann! I need you!"

"No, don't bother her," Ben said, exactly the same time as Chris attempted to leap out of his chair, yelling, "Ann Perkins!"

"There's an emergency at the Community Clean," Leslie said, backing away from Ben who has trying to keep Chris seated and grab the phone at the same time.

The result was a strange game of tag around the office, enabled by Chris's rolling chair and Ben's strategic movements that soon trapped Leslie in a corner. By hip-checking his boss, and boy was he going to be embarrassed about that later, Ben took the phone out of Leslie's hand and held her off with his free arm while simultaneously putting the phone to his ear.

“Ann? It’s Ben. Sorry, there’s—“ He jerked as both Leslie and Chris tried to reach the phone. “Kind of a lot of chaos here. Look, I’m sorry, Leslie’s just… you know.”

"No, it's okay," Ann said, sounding slightly amused.

"Listen, I'm sure they can survive without you," Ben said. "You just got off a double shift at a hospital, you don't need to deal with crappy people pestering you about stinging nettles."

"What? Look, never mind. I'm already out the door."

"Shower first!" Leslie shouted in Ben's ear. "Shower first, Ann, otherwise you're going to smell like old people and death!"

"Ann Perkins!" Chris shouted in Ben's other ear. "I need to know if I am exhibiting any known symptoms of the bird flu!"

Leslie made a bid for the phone that resulted in it skittering to the floor where it somehow remained intact. Chris, as the one closest to the ground level, shot forward and picked it up.

"Ann Perkins! Please help me!” Chris said, crouching protectively against the wall, looking increasingly like a frightened animal.

Ben wasn't so sure he wanted man handle his boss enough to get the phone back, and it seemed like a lost cause anyway if Ann was already heading out the door.

"My heart rate is elevated and I feel overheated and clammy at the same time," Chris said, on the brink of another meltdown.

"Chris," Ben said, "you just had a panic attack. In fact, I'm not certain you're completely out of it yet."

"Ann Perkins, Ben Wyatt just reminded me that I am currently having a panic attack. Okay. Okay. If my temperature goes above one hundred I will go to the hospital. No, I will not run there. I will walk. Thank you, Ann Perkins. You're the best."

Chris hung up the phone and held it out to Leslie who took it back, a little reproachfully. Ben sighed, glad that episode was over.

The face masked guard peered in the doorway. "I made tea," he said, holding out three steaming mugs. "It's chamomile."

"Is it organic?" asked Chris.

Both Ben and Leslie shot the guard a curt, meaningful nod.

"Yes?" said the guard.

Chris made grabby motions. “I need to rehydrate.”

He approached carefully, so as not to spill. They accepted their tea gratefully and Leslie and Ben joined Chris on the floor, leaning against the wall. Giving them all a wary nod, the guard retreated out of the office.

The tea was quite good, strong while not being too strong and with a hint of honey. Ben closed his eyes and rested his head against the wall. In a daring move, considering that Chris was just on his other side, Leslie laid her head on his shoulder. Despite the risk, he couldn't begrudge her the contact. And a quick check told him Chris was staring vacantly into space, so it was probably okay.

And he remembered the fact that she was entering the City Council election. He knew that holding office was one of her most treasured dreams, and more than that he honestly believed she deserved it. Everything he had seen since his arrival in Pawnee confirmed this. Leslie worked tirelessly for her community and she was one of the most honest, direct people he knew. Local politics needed more people like her.

But there was no way they could keep up their secret relationship under the scrutiny of a campaign. It was an open secret in the Parks and Recreation department as it was, really only a matter of time before it got to Chris. And with his strict no-dating policy there was no way the discovery wouldn't be a scandal.

Ben leaned his cheek against the top of Leslie's head. "Do you feel better about the Community Clean?"

Leslie hmmed. "More like resigned. And exhausted. Chris is exhausting. How does he have that much energy?"

Ben looked to his left where Chris had apparently dozed off, his tea in danger of spilling into his lap. Gingerly, Ben placed the mug on the floor out of reach.

"I don't know. I guess that's what obsessive exercising does to a person."

"Scary." Leslie paused for a moment and Ben thought she was done speaking. "I wish it was just you and me stuck in this office all weekend."

Ben smiled. "Me too."

This might be one of their last chances to spend time together as a couple, and with that thought he knew he could never stand in the way of Leslie's campaign. As much as he might want to keep her forever, he couldn't do that to her.

Ben resettled himself against Leslie and closed his eyes. He wasn't expecting to fall asleep, but perhaps it was his body's natural reaction to the stress of being quarantined and subsequently learning that the best thing to happen to him since moving here would be ending soon because he found himself blinking awake when someone cleared their throat.

It was clearly some time later as the sun was low enough in the sky to send banners of golden light along the walls. His neck and back and butt and everything were killing him from sitting so long on the cold linoleum. Standing in front of them, looking battle-worn and dirt, was Ron Swanson. Embarrassed, Ben tried to move but discovered that Leslie was still asleep on his right shoulder and at some point Chris had tipper over to lean against his left.

"Help," he said, lamely, looking up at Ron.

Ron made one of his inscrutable Ron-faces. “Wake up,” he said firmly.

Leslie awoke with an unattractive snort and Chris came to much more gracefully, only blurting out, “tennis practice!” before calming down.

Stretching and yawning, Leslie said something that approximated to, "Oh, hi, Ron. What are you doing here?"

"The quarantine has been lifted. John Mungo asked me to be the one to come and tell you as he has been distressed by your previous behavior."

Suddenly alert, Leslie sprang to her feet. "How was the Community Clean? How many raccoon nests did you burn?"

"Fifteen. Two less than last year. A shame."

"Excuse me, Ron," Chris said, helping Ben to his feet. Ben was starting to feel like an invalid. "I just want to take a moment to apologize to Ben and assure him I meant nothing by crossing the bounds of professional behavior."

Ben could feel the blush and was powerless to stop it. "It's nothing, Chris. These have been... very trying times."

Chris nodded. "Still, I wanted to make sure. Leslie, do you have anything to say to Ben?"

Leslie smiled at Ben, one of their private looks. Ben already felt the loss of them even as he smiled back. "I apologize for inappropriately touching you in my sleep."

"Apology accepted."

"If the sentimental scenes are over, I would like to give my report to Leslie and return home."

"Of course. Since I am free of any infection, I will take myself home." Chris jogged out of the room.

While Leslie and Ron had their chat, Ben picked up the mugs half full of cold tea and returned them to the security office. It was empty, which was perhaps best for all involved. When he got back, Ron was getting ready to leave.

"Well, we should probably go, too," Leslie said, turning to Ben.

"Right, because we've got that... thing. To go over."

"Affirmative. I am very hungry though, would you mind if we discussed it over dinner?"

"Certainly. Dinner would be excellent."

The three of them shuffled out the door and Ron pretended to ignore the fact that Leslie and Ben had driven to City Hall in the same car. Ben was going to miss this.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to featherfish for an amazing beta!


End file.
